Promises

to the woman who taught me unconditional love,
despite our best intentions –
there was a moment.

before i gave myself up to you,

when i released the mortal chains

which held me to myself.
relinquished sense

and sensibility
stripped myself bare and bared these teeth…
…bungee jumping seems an a propos metaphor

for the tumble i knew awaited me.
i

made a vow..

before it was ever to you, it was to myself
that this was something i would see to the end

whether i was the ship

or the iceberg
i would sink

or swim

come what may.
and so what can i do?

a vow is a vow.

Reckoning

Occasionally, I am reminded of
the anachrony of inspiration.
The vaguely humorous plight of
never knowing what will move me
and when.

I recall lovers out of order,
process trauma on its own schedule,
bleed ink in undulating stretches
of drought and reckless abandon.


It’s bingo night.
And the fix is far from in.
A volunteer casually rolls the cage
ready to call the rounds as they fall.

Drift

The currents suffer us no sympathies.

In mere moments of innocent neglect
the steady waters turn our course
to their capricious will.

North stars be damned.

I swear –
I could make it wherever
these best laid plans intended,
if it weren’t for this incessant drift.

Forebears

to live is to experience
to experience is to hurt
to hurt is to know
to know is to understand
to understand is to appreciate
to appreciate is to forgive
to forgive is to mend
to mend is to, at long last –
find some measure of peace.

My Fine Alter Egos – Or – Reminders to Live in the Present

Those who have spent some time around the Plastiq offices have probably heard me refer to one of my favorite alter egos – “Past Dan” and “Future Dan“. It all started as a joke when a co-worker and I were digging through some old code, and I just couldn’t decipher why I’d written it that way.

Past Dan must have been out of his mind when he wrote this,” I mused. Laughs all around.1

Since then I’ve been increasingly using the monikers to refer to both decisions or actions that I made in the past (Past Dan) and things that I’ll have to deal with in the future (Future Dan).

Examples of usage include:

  • Hmm… we can leave that one for Future Dan to figure out.
  • Well, Past Dan clearly didn’t know what he was talking about.
  • Alright! Looks like Past Dan already covered that case in the documentation here.

Over time, I became aware of an additional psychological benefit that arose from referring to my past and present selves as separate individuals.

Continue reading…

A “Bill of Rights” for My New Reports

Starting a new job can be both exhilarating and nerve-racking. As a manager at Plastiq, I view it as one of my most important responsibilities to – with the help of our excellent talent team – onboard new reports in a manner that instills within them the context and confidence to do a good job, as well as set the tone and pace for our on-going working relationship.

To facilitate this onboarding, I thought it’d be valuable to compile a “Bill of Rights” that all my new reports can read, refer back to, and – most importantly – hold me accountable for during their tenure at Plastiq. It is my hope that these guidelines will provide a welcome centering influence as our work and roles continue to evolve over time.

Continue reading…

Quietude

I must confess, I’ve never felt moved
to shout this love from the rooftops.
To demand the world take notice.
To let it reverberate in the ether.

Your love grows on my being
like a moss in the wood.
Quietly, do I stay my root
so as to know you more.

Role Models

Some of us are hoping to recreate
whatever it was that made us believe
our parents were meant to be.

Others of us have only learned
to recognize the warning signs
of conflicts which drove them apart.

Both are burdened by perspective –
one with great expectation,
the other with cynicism.

A Curious Nostalgia

I used to love imagining
what her smile might look like
with a few more wrinkles,
seen through eyes that didn’t bend light
quite like they used to.

And now,
strangely now,
I find myself unkempt with memories
of a future that will never come to pass.