Derby was your typical teenage guy, except for the fact that he was a German shepherd.

One day, while getting groceries at the local market (and by “getting groceries at the local market”, I mean “using the neighbor’s yard as a restroom”), he spotted out of the corner of his eye the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. I use the term “woman” here loosely to mean one of those dog statues that is supposed to keep birds off of the grass. The seasons were just beginning to change, and with the arrival of spring grew his affection for Chelsea (the woman/dog statue).

Chelsea was perfect in Derby’s eyes. Reserved in nature and soft-spoken, she often simply wore an amused smile as she listened to Derby go on for hours about his life. Derby was thrilled to have this new acquaintance, and they met at the same time and the same place every day to spend time together. Chelsea was so punctual, always waiting for Derby at the very same spot they had met. As he would relay the day’s activities to her, Derby sensed Chelsea’s deep understanding of his humanity and he marveled as her eyes stared directly into his soul.  The days drifted by with pure happiness, and Derby knew that he was truly in love.

One day, as Derby rounded the corner to the park (neighbor’s lawn), he noticed another man (dog) cozying up with Chelsea. “How could this happen?!” he cried in his mind. Chelsea seemed to be eyeing this new gentleman (dog) with the same fervor that she had shared with Derby. Gathering his courage, Derby walked up and demanded to know what was happening. The other man (dog), who introduced himself as Bernardo, simply responded that Marisol had made her choice. “Marisol??” Derby questioned, “Who is Marisol?? That’s my Chelsea!” He looked to Chelsea for some sign of recognition, but none was given. This woman (dog statue) looked on as if she had never seen him before in her life. “I loved you Chelsea..” Derby whimpered. Bernardo replied, “You seem to be mistaken, sir. This is Marisol; perhaps your Chelsea is somewhere else. I’m sorry, friend.” With a heavy sigh, Derby realized that he would never see Chelsea again, and he walked back home in sadness.

Later that night while trying to catch his tail, Derby succeeded and immediately exploded.